Rumors and Candidness Bring Keplinger to the Top

Do you remember the unfortunate girl in high school who carried the nickname "slut"? If you think back really hard, can you remember a shred of truth to those rumors? Did anyone actually know for a fact they had happened? Most likely not, and in Kody Keplinger's third novel, A Midsummer's Nightmare, we see a candid portrayal of a girl who starts off wearing that label like a badge of honor and eventually finds a little soul searching is all she needed to get to the root of her choices and actions.

Whitley suffers through each school year in order to make it to the summer- her only time with her father. Now that she has graduated, this summer is even more exciting. It is a chance to hang out with her dad, make cocktails, and relax, as opposed to the misery of living with her mother where her mom ignores her most of the time and only acknowledges her existence to complain about her father. At her last big graduation party, Whitley gives in to her drunken state and meets a guy who she wakes up next to the next morning. He was fun, and certainly good looking, but she is moving on from this place, and she doesn't plan on looking back.

When she gets to her father's place, she quickly realizes things have changed. He moved out of his condo and into a house, and he is engaged. For her father, who goes through girlfriends so fast Whitley doesn't even bother to learn their names, this is a huge development. But even worse, her dad's fiance has two kids. And despite the odds, that new stepbrother-to-be just happens to be the boy from the party the week before! As if things couldn't be any worse, Whitley is now going to be related to her latest hookup.

To drown her miseries in this fresh hell she has found herself in, Whitley submerges herself in the local parties and the local nameless boys. She doesn't care what their names are or who they are because they are just a good distraction, but when that distraction starts to have consequences, Whitley starts to see the ugly side of her reputation. She used to just enjoy the perks of all the male attention it garnered, but now the attention has gotten ugly, and borderline scary. But the one man she wants to notice her has no problem ignoring her for the entire summer- her father. And nothing she has done has gotten his attention. Yet.

This is the third book I have read by Keplinger, and I continue to be amazed by her candid writing style that puts the BS aside and focuses on the topics young adults really want to talk about. She isn't afraid to say things adults might be taken aback by or uncomfortable with, because her books aren't for adults- they are for the same teens they are written about. I find it a beautifully honest way to write and applaud Keplinger for sticking to her target audience with brutal honesty. I am sure most people will say these books are appropriate only for older teens because of the sexual content and alcohol use, but I challenge that premise by saying it is a candid picture of teen life that might make some teens think twice or at least encourage them to think differently about their lives and the lives of the people around them.

This book dealt with some hard situations, but the idea of being labeled a slut and publicly humiliated via social media was hard to bear witness to. Therefore, it should make you, the reader, uncomfortable. And the idea of a girl acting out, resorting to alcohol and bad decisions with boys to get her absentee parents to acknowledge her existence? That is the hardest thing to watch because you know how often it happens. Whitley certainly has a chip on her shoulder, and her selfishness is hard to reconcile with, but she is just the kind of flawed heroine we find ourselves relating to. This is another important book from Keplinger that tells the stories you might be too uncomfortable to tell to your teenaged girl. Keplinger isn't afraid to say what everyone is thinking, and I am grateful to have her books out there in the YA universe because of that fearlessness.

Rage Against Preconceived Notions

Rarely do we read a book so raw with emotions that it leaves you speechless by the time you read the last page. Jackie Morse Kessler accomplishes this effortlessly. She knows how to bring a reader into the most painful lives of teens who are suffering from eating disorders, bullying, cutting, etc. With her second book in the Horsemen of the Apocalypse series, Rage, she has a cutter who has been bullied to the brink of sanity, become War, the Rider of the Red Horse.

Missy slept with Adam and he saw her for who she was- a cutter. He immediately dumped her and told everyone about her scars. Now she is tormented even worse than before. Now they all call her Cutterslut and other horrible names. Missy's only means of control over her own life is to cut. She can't control the pain she feels every day at home and at school, but she can control the blade. When Adam invites her to a party, Missy reluctantly agrees to go, but she goes to show them all they don't bother her. When Adam is uncharacteristically kind and kisses her, she forgets all her anger and pain. She follows him upstairs and takes off her clothes for him. Just as she does, he calls for everyone to come in. It is then, in a flurry of cell phones and cameras, that Missy's life changes forever. With her secret out and her picture and video all over the web, she chooses to accept Death's offer to become War... and her first stop is the party.

As War, Missy creates havoc in the party, making everyone's aggression and anger seethe to the top. When she leaves, she is conflicted about what she has done and what she might have done if Adam had been there. She starts to go out into her world to do the job of War, but she sees her destruction doesn't just hurt adult soldiers- there are innocent women and children there too. She fights the will of War, but Famine and Death explain the balance to her. When there is no balance, like when Pestilence took some time off, the result can be like the Black Death- centuries of consequences. When she returns to school and feels the consequences of her own bullies, she is torn between wanting to punish everyone in the building to knowing there are innocent people who don't deserve to suffer her wrath. But can Missy keep War until control in order to restore the balance?

This is a very dark and important story. When we consider bullicide (suicide as a result of severe bullying) and school violence like Columbine, it is vital that we look at the emotions of the victim. The pain, the humiliation, and the rage they feel is overwhelming. The result is often violence, either towards themselves or others. While critics attacked this book for being "too violent" and "too graphic" about a cutter, I would like to know why they don't acknowledge the bullying. If they are so worried about the cutting, perhaps an honest conversation about the impetus for the cutting is where prevention should start. Yes, this was a dark book, but it is impossible to write a book about such vicious bullying without it being real, raw, emotional, and dark.

I am bowled over by these books, but I will admit they might be too much for a more sensitive young adult. As parents and teachers, we know the type of student who can handle a series like this one. The beauty of this author is she doesn't take prisoners. She doesn't hold back or "write in code" to protect delicate sensibilities. She lays it on the line. And if you don't like it, then perhaps you should do something about stopping the behaviors that cause this kind of situation. perhaps it is time to do something about the bullies in order to save the victims.

5th Annual Girl Bullying Conference

I had the privilege of attending this year's bullying conference last week. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but when I got there, it was clear these people had some great information and ideas. There are a number of different aspects for bullying, especially girl bullying, or relational aggression as it is called now (I just remember it as torture for most of 6th and 7th grade). You have to consider who is doing the bullying. These days, it isn't a big, scary-looking, mean boy with tattoos who smokes cigarettes as the John Hughes movies would have us believe. Instead, it is the popular girl, the smart girl, the girl who charms adults and knows how to torture her victims without ever raising suspicions. Who is the target? Could be anyone. Anyone who crosses the bully, has something she wants, or just has the pure dumb luck to be in the right place at the right time. The important thing to remember is the victim has done absolutely nothing to deserve this behavior. All too often we here "well, she is a weird girl. No wonder the other girls don't want to sit with her". This is called blaming the victim and is reprehensible on so many levels.

Another problem many schools face is where does the bullying occur? Well, as we all remember, it takes place int he hallways, the locker rooms, the school bus, etc. Barbara Coloroso said at the conference the bathrooms in a school were the single most dangerous place for a victim to enter. They are completely unsupervised space where the bully has total control. But the scarier and even less controlled than the bathrooms is the great land of cyber infinity. With all the social media we have at our fingertips, girls have taken bullying to a level we cannot fathom. If a girl moves because the bullying in her school is so bad, the rumors, lies, and torment only take a few keystrokes to follow her. Kids create Facebook pages about the perceived sexual activities of their targets. They text them. They video the target getting pushed, threatened, attacked, and then post it for everyone to see. This inescapable nature of cyberbullying has created a situation so dire kids are killing themselves. So what can we, as parents, adults, and educators, do about it?

Well, Barbara Coloroso will tell you conflict resolution isn't going to accomplish anything. Bullying isn't a fight, it isn't a conflict, so sitting down the bully and the target won't change a blessed thing. In fact, in this scenario, very often the bully will seem sincere, sorry, and beg forgiveness, while the victim will be angry and confrontational. The moderator may seem perplexed by this aggression and start to blame the victim, but would you want to agree to be friends with your torturer?! She went on to say people like Dr. Phil, who think the bully wouldn't hurt their victim if only they knew the pain they were causing, are so wrong they have left the reservation. Can we really think the bullies don't know the pain they are causing? Not only do they know how much they are hurting their victim, they enjoy it. They get pleasure from the pain. So telling them about the pain they inflict won't help the situation. It might make it worse, but it certainly isn't going to stop it. So what the heck can we do?

Well, first we have to recognize what the bullying has done to separate themselves from the victim enough to cause this pain with complete disregard. They have stopped seeing the victim as a person, and instead they see them as an "it". The victim is subhuman to them. So we must start early to create empathy among our students. They must feel for the people around them, including their victim. Now, I don't pretend to know how to do this, but if you have any suggestions, I am all ears. I have some ideas, of course, but I don't think there is any one formula or tactic that will work for every scenario. This is like a puzzle that can't be done the same way twice.

But the one thing so many presenters at the conference said is we can't be reactionary with bullying... we have to be preventative. How do we make our students care about each other so much they wouldn't bully? How do we create a sense of community where students protect one another instead of hurt one another? Once presenter created a year-long calender that focused on bringing girls together with various projects and community service efforts. They called it Chick Chat. It included some fun chick movies (and some serious ones), bake sales, clothing drives for battered women, and so much more. Each month was a theme like Breast Cancer for October, Family, Friendships, Relationships, etc. Each week there was an activity or meeting and they tried to include outside speakers for every theme. The presenter explained their girls weren't required to come, but bit by bit they trickled in until a community was born.

Punishment is important when bullying occurs, but there needs to be more than just punishment. I remember a student who damaged space in her dorm once, nothing too damaging, but enough to make a lot more work for the women in charge of housekeeping. Why did she do this? She didn't have empathy for them. She assumed it was their job to clean up after her, and their hard work didn't matter to her. The perfect "punishment"/exercise in empathy? Make her work with them for a couple of days, doing the same work they do. I personally think this made more of a difference with that young woman than any detention or suspension ever would have. Perspective is powerful tool.


Barbara Coloroso also write a book called Extraordinary Evil: A Short Walk to Genocide, a book that explains bullying behavior we see so often in schools across the world is very similar to the behavior and aggression the perpetrators of genocide display. They make their victim an "it", thereby negating any need for empathy or caring of their victim's pain. In Rwanda, the Tutsi were called cockroaches. In Germany, the Jews were called rats. Make your victim into something inhuman, and you can justify your actions and absolve your guilt. I have taught a unit about the 1994 Rwandan Genocide to students for a few years now, and the hardest thing I find is to make them truly understand the fear and pain these people experienced. It is so foreign and distant form their own lives, they have trouble imagining it. Sure, they understand genocide is awful, but they don't understand how awful. But every kid understands the reaction they felt to being bullied- the stomach clenching, sweat producing fear of seeing your attacker from a distance knowing what is about to happen. By connecting those emotions to the worst product of human nature, genocide, we can create empathy in our students. I have found this book to be an invaluable tool, and think any history teacher would count this as a valuable tool in their classrooms.

So we have a seemingly insurmountable problem that plagues our children. We have tried everything, and no solution is flawless. But if this conference has taught me anything, it is that our kids are too important to lose to bullying. We need to find a way to create empathy in our children. We need to never blame the victim and be savvy to the ways of the bully, including the charm, manipulation, and deceit they use when the adults are around. And most importantly, we need to create a community where they want to protect one another, not harm one another. It is a tough mountain to scale, but not impossible.