Sincerely, Not a Victim

Were you the bully? The victim? Or somewhere in between? Maybe you were more than one through your childhood. Whatever mold you fit into, I am sure you have been a part of bullying from one angle or another throughout your life. As a teacher or parent, you have probably had to witness it. You have tried to stop it, but felt powerless in the face of the beast that has consumed childhoods and ended some. Sure, you can stop what you see in front of you, but the bullying is everywhere, like an omniscient, suffocating monster that is impervious to your efforts. That is why Dear Bully was published.

Dear Bully is a compilation of short essays from 70 authors. These are authors our children have read, and maybe we have read as well. These are adults who write for our children every day, so who better to talk to them about bullying? The stories these adults shared were ones of anger, of survival, and of shame. Some were the victims, the bystanders, or the bullies themselves. This is an amazing compilation of stories that dissect the bullying phenomenon from the inside out. But most importantly, they speak to kids today.

The stories aren't written for parents or teachers. They are written directly for the children surviving in the terrifying jungle that high school has become. Some are stories of triumph while others show pure survival. Either way, bullying is serious, it can kill you, but you don't have to give in to it. Some are funny, some are terrifying. R.L. Stine's story of how coincidence combined with his wise-guy big mouth got him bullied reminded me of why I loved his books as a young adult. He added humor to his story and showed how quick wit can get you into trouble and out of it with quite a flair!

The most touching stories for me were those of the bystanders, the kids who did nothing to stop the bullying or went along with it for fear of being the next target. In my senior literature class this term we have been talking at length about a three character play called Death and the Maiden where the characters represent the victim, the perpetrator, and the bystander. Victims and perpetrators are fairly straight forward, but the bystander is a fuzzy gray area. Sometimes they are guilty, sometimes they are innocent, but one thing follows them and even haunts them- the failure to do anything to stop the hurt of the victim. This is a group my kids and I struggled to define because they are so different. One thing they have in common, though, is that shame of not trying to stop it.

When we are young, we barely know who we are yet. Who are we kidding, I am 30 and I barely know! So how do we empower kids to stand up, stop the bullying, and free themselves from the shame of being a bystander? How do we let kids know that there are people out there to talk to, people who can save them? This book is a huge start. I loved the fact that the stories ranged across the bullying spectrum, but my one criticism is that the stories are predominantly from the female perspective. There are a few male authors, but mostly women contributed their stories. i wish it was more even across genders, but I still love what this book contains. It holds hope. Page after page, from cover to cover, you see hope. This is a message we can't prevent our children from hearing.

The stories themselves are very short- the longest is about 5 pages long. This is great for a student who has a short attention span or struggles with comprehension in a full-length novel. The short snippets are independent and can therefore be used as excellent comprehension checks by themselves without a need to remember everything that came before it. The wide mix of stories is also great to reach many different kinds of children. And if they aren't into a particular story? Skip it! This is an amazing book that should have a home in every classroom, library or home with children. Spread the message:

"Dear Bully, You think you can beat me. But I disagree. Sincerely, Not a Victim"

Please Don't Ignore Vera Dietz

What happens when we put our heads down and ignore all the bad things around us? Do they just go away, or do they come back to haunt us? Please Ignore Vera Dietz by A.S. King is a phenomenal story that shows the life of an average girl who struggled to ignore what was happening around her and prayed everyone ignored her very existence. Fortunately and unfortunately, that was impossible.

Vera has been friends with Charlie since they were in elementary school. They have suffered through his abusive father, her mother leaving when she was 12, and deep dark secrets they only shared with one another. But when Charlie starts hanging out with a bad group of kids, drugs ad alcohol aren't the only changes to his life. The girl he starts dating, Jenny, is manipulative, a liar, and hates Vera's relationship with Charlie. When she tells Charlie things she swears Vera has been spreading around school about Charlie, he believes Jenny instead of Vera, who would never say such things. He finally joins the rank of the others and starts torturing Vera in every way possible, from throwing dog poo at her to telling the school how her mother was a stripper when Vera was a baby. Charlie's betrayal is more than even when her mother abandoned her.

Now, almost a year later, Charlie is dead and blamed of a heinous crime. Vera deals with her emotionally unavailable father and works a full time job in addition to going to school, just like he tells her to do. Of course, the vodka bottle beneath her car seat she uses just to get through the day and numb the pain is nothing her father would understand- especially since he has always warned her about their "alcoholic genes" they must be careful of. As Vera's destructive behavior continues, her father is desperate to save her, even if it means accepting the pain he still suffers and would prefer to ignore. What he doesn't expect to uncover is the truth behind Charlie's death.

Please Ignore Vera Dietz is a story you simply cannot ignore. Told in a series of flashbacks to the times when Vera and Charlie were young as well as snapshots of Vera's life now, it slowly gives you snapshots that add up together into a story you can't ignore. The story isn't revealed immediately, and you truly don't know everything until the very end, but you won't want to stop until you find out exactly what happened. It is one of those stories that pulls you into the whirlwind and won't let you go until it spits you out all disheveled and discombobulated.

The story has some mature content and language, but it is handled beautifully and in a way that opens up so many important discussions between you and the reader. Charlie starts selling his underwear to a perv he met on the street, but when things escalate, he doesn't know what to do. Vera knows her family's history, but can't break out of her inevitable future. Perhaps she feels she deserves to suffer like her whole family did because they had her so young. It also raises the question of when you should step in and do something when you know your neighbor is terrorizing and beating his wife and child. At what point do we need to become involved. Although this book has some mature language and content, it is just too important to censor from kids. I would suggest this story for mature middle school students through high school students, but be prepared to talk about it. Not only will your student want to talk about it, you will need to talk about it too.